Archive for September, 2014

How fluent should you be in English to succeed in dating?

Wednesday, September 24th, 2014

max

“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.”
Nelson Mandela

“I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain, and torture it endures and knows how to turn it to its advantage”.
– Friedrich Nietzsche

“How fluent should I be so that I can find an attractive local girlfriend?” one of my students asked me once. It is a good question. For many, the English language became a touchy issue.  Some are so self-conscious about their English so that they use it as an excuse not to take any action. Others are speaking English so badly that it makes their dating success rate almost zero despite vigorous efforts.

In this series of posts, we will discuss the importance of English proficiency for your dating success in Canada [or any English speaking country]. We will investigate if we need to know slang or what does it mean to speak “her language” in order to connect.

Like you, I am not a native English speaker, I had to learn English from scratch.

The issue of English dating is comparable to that of money. Do we need money to date women successfully? Some say yes, the more the better; others say that you don’t need a dime. I see money as a resource or a tool that may be very helpful. Although I calculated once that I only spent $354 CAD during 3 years of dating. [See upcoming Book 4, Date Ideas For Immigrants: Learn What to Talk About, Where To Go, What To Do to Create An Unforgettable Dating Experience With Zero Money Investment for answers how I did it without being a cheapster or gigolo]

Same with English – naturally, the better you can express yourself the easier the whole process of dating will be for you. But poor language skills are not an excuse to sit at home and feel sorry for yourself. Keep in mind, that spoken words are only 10 % of what you are communicating, 20% – tonality, how you are saying it, and 70% is accounted by your body language.

Low proficiency in English is not an excuse to avoid meeting women!

I remember once, in winter 2009, after 7 months in Canada, I was in a video chat with my friend Philip, a talented musician, who lives in Russia.

2

I called him to tell how frustrated I was. How terrible I feel that due to lack of my English skills I couldn’t date girls that I like and how stressful and disappointing it is. He is a very bright person. After listening carefully, he said, “I feel your pain, brother, but maybe it keeps you from seeing the opportunity that life is giving you”. I got so mad at him, “What opportunity you are talking about?”

He said, “Now you are forced into finding a way of learning how to be successful in dating without speaking English fluently”.

A year later his words were proven to be right. It was so true, that it was a hidden blessing for me, I just couldn’t see it. Well, I did a lot of work to turn a disadvantage into an advantage.

I just had to come up with conversational materials for dating that would be easy to pronounce and easy to remember. I just had to know what to say, how to say it and in what sequence and rehearse them at home before I go out to meet women.

Later on, it became a foundation of Attract With Accent System™ dating system for immigrants. It helped me be more confident while communicating with local women.

The beauty of Attract With Accent System™  lies in the fact you can choose conversation materials according to your level of English proficiency. I made materials so super simple that anyone, regardless of his English level, can use them. It eliminates the need sit at home and wait for five years until your English improves while only dreaming about girls.:)

Here is an example of how it works. I strictly followed my own script and guidelines as they helped me to stay on track when I would feel nervous.  But after a certain period of time, I started deviating from it and gradually I stopped using my conversational materials. It happened because my English has improved and I learned how to manage nervous energy and enjoy dates despite it.

5

In the next post, we will talk about why speaking “her language” is much more important for us, immigrants than proficiency in English.
Good luck.