Archive for the ‘Dating Advice for Immigrants’ Category

Why speaking “her language” is more important than speaking English fluently

Friday, January 15th, 2016

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In the previous post, we have talked about fluency in English and its role in the dating process. I would like to start this post with a question from one of my former students:

Andrey: Max, what does it mean when you say that I have to speak “her language” to connect with a girl?

I will probably confuse you when I tell you that speaking English fluently isn’t so important in dating as opposed to knowing a bit of popular culture of the country that you might soon call your new home. But it doesn’t mean that you should stop improving your English skills. It should always be your priority # 1. I am telling you this to encourage you and boost your confidence so you can already start looking for your perfect girlfriend.

I lived in 3 different countries Russia, Germany, Canada and I observed what people are talking about most of the time. They talk about things like weather, sports, politics, TV shows, celebrities.

I found that a person tends to connect with you faster if you talk about things that are familiar to him/ her. As a seasoned man;), you know the value of connection and trust in the dating. I came to the conclusion that I connect with a girl much faster if I comment on a popular TV show or recent Leafs or Raptors game rather than give her a speech in excellent English about the socio-economical prospect of  Russia ;-).

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I remember in 2009 I was on a double date: two Canadian girls, my former Russian roommate, and I. After this date, one of the girls became my long-term girlfriend. I still smile while I am thinking about her. It was a very good relationship. She helped me to improve my English a lot. I am very grateful to her. But back to the story.

Sometime later after this double date, I asked my future girlfriend, whether her friend liked my roommate.  Jessica ( name changed)  got confused and said that Maggie (name changed) thought that my roommate came across as a bit “fobbish”. I interviewed my roommate in details about that date and found that it was the lack of his knowledge of North American pop culture that earned him this title. 😉 Although he spoke English quite good grammatically wise.

It is a perfect example that it is not the level of your proficiency in English but mostly the level of knowing the North American pop culture: showbiz, TV shows, sports, politics, and ability to use those topics during a conversation effectively. I discuss it in details in my first book Magnetic Accent: Learn How to Attract Women Naturally.

When my roommate and Maggie talked, they just couldn’t find a common topic. She asked him if he watches The Big Bang theory and he didn’t know what to answer because he only watched Russian TV shows 24/7. He wanted to talk about Russian art but she didn’t have much knowledge on the subject. So initial physical attraction disappeared quickly.

Some people may say it FOB is a racist term. I, on the other hand, see it as an accurate description of a person who is lacking knowledge about local culture. In my eyes “Fresh off the Board” term isn’t negative. I have noticed that people who are labelled “fobbish” showing that they are lacking knowledge about Canada by starting their sentences with words like “back home, back in Russia, back in China”.

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Just for the record, it is absolutely normal to know more about your country of origin but I found that the more you are integrated into your new home, the more actively you are involved in social life the more successful you are in dating. It depends on a person’s age and his or her goals how long it will take him to lose that “fobbishness”.

Being a scientifically minded person, I started looking for the most effective way to bridge that gap. Having had experience from successful integration in Germany I have built my own program of  integration – Quick Immersion in Canadian Culture Program as part of my AttractWithAccent dating system for immigrants. It helps newcomers to integrate fast into your new home and catch up fast with popular culture.

If you don’t educate yourself on that topic and don’t integrate,  please don’t feel sorry for yourself if people see you as a Borat and you cant find a girlfriend. 😉

Closing remark: I am a realist and know that there are a lot of people who don’t want to spend time integrating into a new country. I hope you are not one of them.
Good luck

Best Places To Meet Canadian Girls For Canadian Immigrant

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015

In this video, I share my personal secret.  You already know my approach to dating. Being an immigrant, I teach you not to chase girls but rather focus on local girls that are already like you. We have already discussed how you can detect if a woman has an initial level of attraction for you. [see posts on Attraction Signals].

This video tells you about so-called proximity rule and how to use it to your advantage. Knowing it will make your dating life much easier and initial start of the conversation less stressful.  I will also cover best places to meet Canadian women if you are a newcomer to Canada, Canadian newcomer, a person with a work permit for Canada or with a student visa to Canada.  I hope you will like this new video format of my blogs posts.

 

 

How fluent should you be in English to succeed in dating?

Wednesday, September 24th, 2014

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“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.”
Nelson Mandela

“I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain, and torture it endures and knows how to turn it to its advantage”.
– Friedrich Nietzsche

“How fluent should I be so that I can find an attractive local girlfriend?” one of my students asked me once. It is a good question. For many, the English language became a touchy issue.  Some are so self-conscious about their English so that they use it as an excuse not to take any action. Others are speaking English so badly that it makes their dating success rate almost zero despite vigorous efforts.

In this series of posts, we will discuss the importance of English proficiency for your dating success in Canada [or any English speaking country]. We will investigate if we need to know slang or what does it mean to speak “her language” in order to connect.

Like you, I am not a native English speaker, I had to learn English from scratch.

The issue of English dating is comparable to that of money. Do we need money to date women successfully? Some say yes, the more the better; others say that you don’t need a dime. I see money as a resource or a tool that may be very helpful. Although I calculated once that I only spent $354 CAD during 3 years of dating. [See upcoming Book 4, Date Ideas For Immigrants: Learn What to Talk About, Where To Go, What To Do to Create An Unforgettable Dating Experience With Zero Money Investment for answers how I did it without being a cheapster or gigolo]

Same with English – naturally, the better you can express yourself the easier the whole process of dating will be for you. But poor language skills are not an excuse to sit at home and feel sorry for yourself. Keep in mind, that spoken words are only 10 % of what you are communicating, 20% – tonality, how you are saying it, and 70% is accounted by your body language.

Low proficiency in English is not an excuse to avoid meeting women!

I remember once, in winter 2009, after 7 months in Canada, I was in a video chat with my friend Philip, a talented musician, who lives in Russia.

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I called him to tell how frustrated I was. How terrible I feel that due to lack of my English skills I couldn’t date girls that I like and how stressful and disappointing it is. He is a very bright person. After listening carefully, he said, “I feel your pain, brother, but maybe it keeps you from seeing the opportunity that life is giving you”. I got so mad at him, “What opportunity you are talking about?”

He said, “Now you are forced into finding a way of learning how to be successful in dating without speaking English fluently”.

A year later his words were proven to be right. It was so true, that it was a hidden blessing for me, I just couldn’t see it. Well, I did a lot of work to turn a disadvantage into an advantage.

I just had to come up with conversational materials for dating that would be easy to pronounce and easy to remember. I just had to know what to say, how to say it and in what sequence and rehearse them at home before I go out to meet women.

Later on, it became a foundation of Attract With Accent System™ dating system for immigrants. It helped me be more confident while communicating with local women.

The beauty of Attract With Accent System™  lies in the fact you can choose conversation materials according to your level of English proficiency. I made materials so super simple that anyone, regardless of his English level, can use them. It eliminates the need sit at home and wait for five years until your English improves while only dreaming about girls.:)

Here is an example of how it works. I strictly followed my own script and guidelines as they helped me to stay on track when I would feel nervous.  But after a certain period of time, I started deviating from it and gradually I stopped using my conversational materials. It happened because my English has improved and I learned how to manage nervous energy and enjoy dates despite it.

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In the next post, we will talk about why speaking “her language” is much more important for us, immigrants than proficiency in English.
Good luck.