Why speaking “her language” is more important than speaking English fluently

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In the previous post, we have talked about fluency in English and its role in the dating process. I would like to start this post with a question from one of my former students:

Andrey: Max, what does it mean when you say that I have to speak “her language” to connect with a girl?

I will probably confuse you when I tell you that speaking English fluently isn’t so important in dating as opposed to knowing a bit of popular culture of the country that you might soon call your new home. But it doesn’t mean that you should stop improving your English skills. It should always be your priority # 1. I am telling you this to encourage you and boost your confidence so you can already start looking for your perfect girlfriend.

I lived in 3 different countries Russia, Germany, Canada and I observed what people are talking about most of the time. They talk about things like weather, sports, politics, TV shows, celebrities.

I found that a person tends to connect with you faster if you talk about things that are familiar to him/ her. As a seasoned man;), you know the value of connection and trust in the dating. I came to the conclusion that I connect with a girl much faster if I comment on a popular TV show or recent Leafs or Raptors game rather than give her a speech in excellent English about the socio-economical prospect of  Russia ;-).


I remember in 2009 I was on a double date: two Canadian girls, my former Russian roommate, and I. After this date, one of the girls became my long-term girlfriend. I still smile while I am thinking about her. It was a very good relationship. She helped me to improve my English a lot. I am very grateful to her. But back to the story.

Sometime later after this double date, I asked my future girlfriend, whether her friend liked my roommate.  Jessica ( name changed)  got confused and said that Maggie (name changed) thought that my roommate came across as a bit “fobbish”. I interviewed my roommate in details about that date and found that it was the lack of his knowledge of North American pop culture that earned him this title. 😉 Although he spoke English quite good grammatically wise.

It is a perfect example that it is not the level of your proficiency in English but mostly the level of knowing the North American pop culture: showbiz, TV shows, sports, politics, and ability to use those topics during a conversation effectively. I discuss it in details in my first book Magnetic Accent: Learn How to Attract Women Naturally.

When my roommate and Maggie talked, they just couldn’t find a common topic. She asked him if he watches The Big Bang theory and he didn’t know what to answer because he only watched Russian TV shows 24/7. He wanted to talk about Russian art but she didn’t have much knowledge on the subject. So initial physical attraction disappeared quickly.

Some people may say it FOB is a racist term. I, on the other hand, see it as an accurate description of a person who is lacking knowledge about local culture. In my eyes “Fresh off the Board” term isn’t negative. I have noticed that people who are labelled “fobbish” showing that they are lacking knowledge about Canada by starting their sentences with words like “back home, back in Russia, back in China”.

Canadian newcomers

Just for the record, it is absolutely normal to know more about your country of origin but I found that the more you are integrated into your new home, the more actively you are involved in social life the more successful you are in dating. It depends on a person’s age and his or her goals how long it will take him to lose that “fobbishness”.

Being a scientifically minded person, I started looking for the most effective way to bridge that gap. Having had experience from successful integration in Germany I have built my own program of  integration – Quick Immersion in Canadian Culture Program as part of my AttractWithAccent dating system for immigrants. It helps newcomers to integrate fast into your new home and catch up fast with popular culture.

If you don’t educate yourself on that topic and don’t integrate,  please don’t feel sorry for yourself if people see you as a Borat and you cant find a girlfriend. 😉

Closing remark: I am a realist and know that there are a lot of people who don’t want to spend time integrating into a new country. I hope you are not one of them.
Good luck